Scarlett

You never know what it feels like. This strange feeling is running through my veins, it hurts. One thing you take for granted, but not for me.  I've been clean for 15 months and i hope i can keep counting. But in the 15th month I had a bad thought, I was impulsive.  Aku mau minta maaf sama semua orang, i know imma bad mad person, aku ga pantes disini. Dan aku mau bilang makasih buat semua orang yang bikin aku semangat buat masuk sekolah, this is realllyyyyy triggering me rn but i have to tell this, sorry i had to tell it this way..... VIVIDLY.....

Like it Here ( Click This ) Don't change, sit tight... Don't change, you think I'm already tired... I don't mind you stay today Beside, you did it once, did it all I don't mind you brush my hair you said you did it once, did it all... No shame, I won't make a judgement Don't stray, I'm here your opposite direction I would mind you stay in bed 'Coz you did it all, all time... I would mind you act heavy you did it all, all time... This is tiring, still Can I be yours for a day? A day... a day... a day... A day... Way I see it, yes we're odd to be... Way I see it, ooh I like it here...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DO. All my skincare, my shampoo, my conditioner ran out at the same time, my life feels miserable, i don't have anyone to talk to, I've tried everything i took language lesson, i tried playing some instrument, i tried cooking, i've tried everthing, turns out it meant nothing. 

 aku capek harus ngertiin orang terus tapi gaada yang ngertiin aku t____t bukannya aku pamrih tapi plis lah i tried so hard to understand everyone in my whole life, IF YOU KNOW aku selalu berusaha untuk melihat dari sudut pandang pikiran kalian, kalau kalian berbuat ga enak sama aku atau orang akutuh pasti liat dulu pov kalian. Aku tau sih kalau aku gabisa kontrol mereka karena itu diluar kendali aku :((( jadi bete. I hope there's someone who thinks like me and treats me the way i treat them.  i slowlyyy get it, it's everyone's first time living, it's my first time in highschool, it's my first time having a group of friends, it's her or his first time too, it's her first time beeing mom, it's his first time beeing and   it's everyone first time beeing blah blah blah ada kata2 nya tp aku lupa mau cari dulu yaaa

Pada pernah gasih kaya ngerasain sakit hati yang bangettt nget ngetttt. Tadi aku abis liat tiktok orang yang keluarganya baiiiikkkk banget, ada screenshot WhatsApp nya gitu ayah sama bundanya ngasih semangat pake kata kata yang halusss terus dipanggil sayang apa yang dia mau dikasih, pas liat itu langsung kaya ANJING SAKIT BANGET COOK T_T. Taugasjh cita-cita aku tuh punya kalau udah berkeluarga aku gamau anak aku ngerasain apa yang aku jalanin sekarang, i'll work hard for my future ,reaallllyyyyy. jhahshahshhshsha  hmm kalau aku sakit hati kaya gini biasanya sih AKU TELEN. Bener bener aku ga berusaha buat ngilangin rasa sakit itu aku terima t e r i m a. YA ALLAH SAKIT BANGET TAPI, dari sakit hati itu menjalar ke tangan aku jadi rasanya pegel pegel terus naik ke kepala aku jadi pusing, but AKU TERIMA.